Have you ever heard any of the following statements?
Oh you’ll be begging for the drugs in labor!
Maybe we should just schedule an induction so that baby doesn’t get too big.
Your pelvis is just way too small to birth a baby.
Oh my gosh, is that baby eating AGAIN?
Does your baby ever stop crying?
Have you ever stopped to think about the messages we are sending expecting families?
These are some of the common themes I hear:
Doubt your body.
Doubt your abilities.
Just listen to whatever I tell you and do as I say.
You are not enough.
All of these messages are completely counter to what you actually need when you are preparing for birth. Yes, maybe your friend did beg for the drugs in labor, but that doesn’t mean you will. Yes, maybe an induction is appropriate for some people, but not everyone wants or needs to have a medically managed birth. What if I told you that ultrasounds are not actually very accurate at predicting a baby’s weight and that the only way to tell if your pelvis is too small to fit a baby out of it is to try? And of course the messages don’t stop after the baby is born! The amount of bad breastfeeding advice I see is astounding.
What if, instead of sending people the messages that they are not good enough, we empowered them with the knowledge and skills they need to confidently give birth? What if we spent as much time telling the fantastic and amazing birth stories as we do the bad ones? What if we trusted bodies and tried to better understand biology and physiology and psychology so that we can help people have better birth experiences? What if we had a better understanding of how breastfeeding actually works and what breastfed babies need?
Half of navigating all this messaging is in knowing who to ask for good information, and let me tell you, it isn’t going to be found in a Facebook group full of other parents who are also being pumped with bad messages! As a Lamaze certified childbirth educator, I help guide people through the evidence and navigate through their fears to get to a place of understanding what they need to do and know to have a better birth experience. I have an entirely evidence-based curriculum with a list of topics that I am required to cover and a test I had to take in order for my class to be considered a Lamaze class. (Hint: not all childbirth classes are created equal or have these requirements!) Information and communication is also one of my strengths as a doula!
But the onus is not entirely on everyone else! You are also responsible for which messaging you are internalizing! What if we spent more time preparing for birth prenatally rather than just depending on people to tell us what to do? What if we spent as much time learning about the birthing process as we do researching the best stroller and car seat?
Being mindful of the messages we receive and how we internalize them can be extremely helpful when searching for insight about our own fears, especially regarding childbirth and parenthood in general really. What messages do you see reflected about childbirth, in our culture? In advertising? In medicine? In your family and friends?