Tag: Doula Life

Ask Questions!

As humans, we like to ask questions. As patients, we are often not encouraged to do so. That is a problem. You are in charge of your body. You are in charge of what happens to it. That means that nobody gets to do things to you without you saying yes; that’s bodily autonomy. You deserve to be given true information to make the best decision possible for you and your family. As a doula, I encourage my clients to inform themselves as best they can and find a provider that they trust to be able to have open and honest conversations about your care.

Misinformation can spread like wildfire, and you have to be mindful about who you are getting your information from, even when you might trust the source for other things. Just because your mother gave birth 25 years ago does not mean that she is up on all the latest evidence regarding birth practices. Just because your neighbor had a fantastic planned cesarean does not mean that committing to major surgery is what is right for you or guarantee that you will have similarly easy outcomes. The point is this: question the source and motives of anyone giving you information!

This is a short list of things I often hear about that are NOT TRUE:

  • Once a cesarean, always a cesarean. (VBAC is an option!)
  • Everyone should be induced at 39 weeks. (Nope)
  • If they think your baby is big, you have to schedule an induction or cesarean surgery. (Nope)
  • Induction is no big deal. (Not always)
  • Laying flat on your back is the best pushing position. (Not according to the evidence)
  • You are in “active labor” at 4cms. (Not since 2010)
  • There are no risks to getting an epidural. (Not true)
  • Doulas are judge-y jerks who only help people who want to go without medication! (not me) I could honestly write a whole post about ideas about doulas that are wrong, but that is for a different day.
  • Home birth is not a safe option. (There is plenty of evidence to say it is.)

The truth is that everyone you ask for their advice is informed by their own knowledge and experience. Your great-grandma may have LOVED being asleep for the birth of her children, but that just isn’t how most people choose to birth anymore. Your doctor may have had a string of 3 traumatic deliveries that they attended in the week before your appointment. Your sister may have had a medical condition that necessitated her induction. You need to make sure to temper any opinions you get with unbiased information too, and then figure out what you would like to do using the BRAIN method:

  • Benefits–Why are you suggesting this intervention?
  • Risks–Is there anything negative that could happen?
  • Alternatives–Are there other options available?
  • Intuition–What is your gut saying you should do?
  • Nothing–What happens if you do nothing?

That last one is REALLY important to remember. If nobody is in danger, it is perfectly prudent to ask for more TIME! Sometimes doing nothing is a perfectly reasonable option, and you are well within your rights to say no to interventions being offered in a non-emergent situation. Even when a non-emergent intervention such as a cesarean needs to be done, it is also perfectly ok to ask for a few moments to gather your thoughts and prepare your mind for what is to come. Though some do, not all necessary cesareans need to RUN to the operating room, and a massive shift in plans can be a bit easier to stomach if you have a moment to wrap your head around it before it happens.

The Rights of Childbearing Women is a great place to start when thinking about what you might want to question. You are not a bad patient for asking questions! Some people prefer to have a provider who tells them what to do, and that is ok too by the way, but if you prefer to have a provider who is open to communicating with you and explaining their reasoning for recommendations, I HIGHLY recommend checking out your options and knowing that you may have the option of switching providers for any reason and at ANY time. Providers all have different styles, and finding one who fits with your style is a GOOD thing. Not all providers are created equal, and sadly there are providers who are less than honest in their recommendations. Trust your gut! Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask questions, and switch if you feel like your provider is trying to push you into something you are uncomfortable with and isn’t necessary, including using coercive techniques to persuade you.

If you want to do research, here are some trusted sources for good information that I send to my clients:

If you are a childbirth professional and you want to learn more about your clients’ rights in childbirth, you can check out Birth Monopoly’s Know Your Rights course designed specifically for us in mind.

Doula Realities

Photo by Jovis Aloor on Unsplash

Many people dream of helping families as a doula, and I get all kinds of people reaching out to me about what it is actually like to be a doula full-time. I am hosting a DONA approved birth doula training here in Evansville at the very end of February (that you can sign up for here), so these messages are most definitely more frequent right now. I absolutely LOVE my job and wouldn’t want to do anything else, but this is most definitely not the right fit for everyone. I want people to know what they are getting into, and some of the harsher realities of doula life.

Being a birth doula is tough. Yes, it is really rewarding and sometimes exciting and beautiful, but the reality of it can be really hard. Being on call can be rough, especially needing childcare at any moment (if you have kids) and having to drop your life to go help someone else. All of your plans end in, “as long as I’m not at a birth” and you have to plan your time out so carefully if you want to leave town, not to mention have a really great back-up doula to cover your clients just in case someone goes into labor unexpectedly. Not planning your calendar in advance or paying attention to when potential clients are due before they hire you means that you could be on call for 6 months straight, and that is NOT easy or fun.

Being on call can be one of the hardest parts of the job; I’ve even heard doulas say that they would attend births for free but really want to be paid for the trouble of being on call for possibly 4 weeks straight. Being on-call means that I have a client who is within their due window (38-42 weeks pregnant), and that I can’t do some things like leave town or drink alcohol. When I am on-call I have to have my doula bag ready. I have my doula clothes in a neat pile waiting for the call to come join my clients. I can’t go to bed without making sure my phone is turned up and ready, and I can’t be far from my phone at all ever really. It is impossible to predict when someone will go into labor, believe me that if I could, I would be a VERY rich person. If you want a completely predictable work schedule, then you should not be a birth doula.

I think the biggest mistake people make is treating doula work like it isn’t a job. It is a definite job and if you want to be successful at it, you have got to work at it like any good business owner! This means networking, marketing, accounting, legal paperwork, records, etc. If you want to do doula work as a hobby and aren’t looking to own a business, that is ok too. About half the people who take the birth doula training don’t even really want to run their own business or be a professional doula. Whether you are running your own doula business or just helping friends, if you are calling yourself a doula, you have GOT to be professional.  That means working within the doula scope of practice and not causing a ruckus at the hospital because of unprofessional behavior. Your professional behavior reflects on all doulas, especially at the local level. I know that Robin will be covering all of this in the training here, so come learn!

I do not tell you all of the above to scare you, rather because I want everyone considering becoming a doula to really understand what they are getting into for their future. A great doula is an organized planner who is resourceful and empathetic with a good support system. Take a look in the mirror and really contemplate if this is the right path for you. If none of the above things have scared you away from wanting to do doula work, then you should definitely sign up for the upcoming training in Evansville. This is only the 2nd time Evansville has ever had a doula training located here, and we probably won’t have another one until 2020! Being a doula is one of the most rewarding and amazing jobs I could have ever dreamed of doing, and I sincerely love it with all my heart. I also sincerely believe that this area needs more doulas! Could that be you?