Your doula will never know you as well as your partner. Some partners don’t want to hire a doula because they are concerned that we might replace them. That is frankly never the goal of our doulas, though there have been a few times when we’ve had to step in because a partner couldn’t be there for multiple reasons. The truth is that hiring a doula helps support partners too. I’ve supported clients whose partners were in the birth pool squeezing their hips and others whose partners had to hide their eyes during their entire labors because everything medical made them nauseous. I’ve caught dads who passed out at the sight of blood and helped others find better places to stand for camera angles. Here are the top 3 ways that doulas help partners.
Knowledge
Doulas help partners know what is going on in the birth room and during postpartum. We answer all kinds of questions like: is that normal? Is everything ok? What’s going on? Why are they suggesting that? Where should we go for help? Our doula knowledge helps not only reassure partners, but also help them ask good questions too. We suggest resources specifically for partners to learn if they’re interested. All Doula Group of Evansville packages come with access to Supporting Her (a $69 value) an online class specifically designed with partners in mind, because we know you want to know how to be the best support you can be too!
Practical Support
Partners need physical support too! I’ve seriously massaged more than one dad’s shoulders during the course of a long labor, and reminded more partners to pee than I can count. We help partners find pillows and towels in the hospital room, or make sure they know when a good time to sneak to the cafeteria to eat would be. We help you know where to press on their back when contractions come and remind you to hydrate too. Postpartum doulas will teach you the best swaddle and bring you a one-handed snack while you’re rocking in the chair with your newborn. Doulas are the extra set of hands that anticipate everyone’s needs!
Emotional Support
I’ve waited outside the doors to the operating room with anxious worried partners waiting to be called back. I’ve hugged a sobbing father whose baby was born sleeping, and handed more tissues to silently crying and ecstatic partners. I’ve reassured frustrated partners that yes, they can and should speak up when they’re not getting the answers or care they need. This holding space for partners is a dance that we know and prepare for as doulas. This is one of the reasons we want to meet with you and your partner before birth and postpartum; getting to know you and your wishes helps us help you better.
Doulas help partners participate and engage however they want and are able to. We never try to step on partner toes, literally or figuratively! We love all kinds of partners and know each family is unique. Having a doula on your team can help you have a better experience too. When you’re ready, we’re here to support your whole family from your wet pregnancy test all the way through the 4th trimester.
A little anecdote for you: pre-COVID, I taught a 3 hour class on natural coping techniques for labor and delivery. I had been talking to this awesome pregnant mom who really wanted to hire me as her birth doula but her husband didn’t want to spend the money, and they came to my class. After 3 hours, her husband was 100% convinced that they definitely needed to hire me as their doula. Unfortunately, I was already booked for their due date, but I know they had an awesome birth anyway. If you’re on the fence about hiring a doula, reach out to set up a FREE consult together. We’d love to chat!