I have stopped giving random advice to pregnant people that do not ask for it, essentially for two reasons. The first reason has to do with other people and the second because of me.
- Everyone seems to feel entitled to give pregnant people advice, and I do not want to add to the mostly annoying cacophony.
I do not know what it is about pregnancy that makes everyone feel like they need to give you advice and tell you what to do. I know that most everyone really means well, but holy moly it can be really exhausting to be constantly bombarded by people who think they know better than you about what you should do. I won’t even get started on the horror stories that people feel obligated to tell you like they can’t stop the flow of awfulness spewing from their mouths. I have a strict no spreading trauma policy when it comes to speaking to pregnant people, and I highly encourage all clients to tune out any and all negative messages surrounding birth and parenthood, especially while you are extra vulnerable and pumped up full of hormones!
2. I know way more than most people about pregnancy, birth, babies, etc than most people, and I have a tendency to go on and on about it.
I know a ton of really specific and sometimes seemingly random things that can really help people who are navigating pregnancy, planning for their upcoming birth, and getting prepared to take care of a new tiny human too. I am happy to talk about all these things all day long, and I do quite a bit, BUT not everyone wants to hear that. I respect people’s wishes and only expose my super birth geek side when requested.
As a doula and childbirth educator, I have extensively studied pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. I know where to find great evidence-based and unbiased information. I know different comfort techniques to get through labor and delivery. I make sure to keep up on all the local resources for new families in our area including great breastfeeding support services, chiropractors who specialize in the Webster technique, prenatal yoga classes, which physicians will provide parallel care for home birth, support for victims of abuse, stores that sell green baby products, and more. I am seriously committed to life-long learning and I want to help everyone be better connected with the resources and information that they need.
I never want people to feel afraid to ask me questions. I would rather my clients ask me anything rather than sit around worrying or wondering. I make an effort to not overshare or overwhelm people. I am always happy to answer questions, especially for my clients. BUT, I can’t send you answers that you don’t ask for, and I won’t, not because I’m protecting the information, rather because I know it is really hard to sip from a fire hose and it has taken me YEARS to gather all this information that you are trying to digest in 40-ish weeks.
What was the worst unsolicited advice you ever received about birth?